Validation

You know the one thing that has always bothered me about the validation and seeking approval thing is I have always been with someone that I felt was smarter, more secured and established than me because I wanted to learn from that, being that I believe you are a product of your environment and its influencing factors, but all the time I always secretly felt a sense of inferiority. I always wondered why we couldn't share a political, career, and ideology conversation, it was always sexual, domestic or vanity. I wondered if it was because you thought me not to be on your intellect level even though you always praised me on my smarts and quick wits. Now, that we are fighting all you want to do is put me down, which is normal, but along with those spiteful words comes some of the truth. Truth of how you feel about me, that's cool, vent. Your words stab my heart and reverberate in my thoughts, but unlike you I vent and I'm over it within two minutes later , maybe because I know dwelling is too time consuming and I or you will always be wanting to outshine the other. I'm accepting my failures and no longer living in denial, but see its not easy to see clearly when all my life I built facades and fantasies of what my life should be or I wanted it to be, instead of accepting what it really is. Alcohol and weed my choice of vice and disillusionment along with sex, never help the equation only provide temperamental escape or distortion. Fuck you, for wasting my time. Some say don't hate the player, hate the game, thing is, I never asked to play the game... its just part of life I suppose. Maybe that is why I cant seem to get along with anyone. I don't like playing games, I'm just here to make the best I can out of any situation I am in. I never finished my degree because I didn't want to sacrifice. Sacrifice is inevitable one way or the other, you pay now, or you pay later:) Nothing in life comes with out consequence, you are either rewarded or shit on by every thing that you come across. Oh, well, the world doesn't stop evolving, so why should I.